Im just who I  am 

“ Just keep moving forward  ms. Valzado”

whatever  I do and Whatever  it goes

The quote I often bear in mind

im just a little eighteen years old girl.Im just living in a simple life but my dreams is not as simple as what people think! my dreams is as high as mountains as vast as universe that anyone would probably answered you with a caps lock "IMPOSSIBLE" dreaming is free anyway its priceless.

I enrolled at capiz state university admittedly I failed of talking psychology nor mass communication but i know in heart and mind "teaching is a choice of nobility"  

 i often admire people who have gift in speaking. music and writing such poems , songs and stories are my expression of soul. and yes! I am a proud Iglesia ni cristo the one that helps me to be courageous . eating salad heals my anger ,sleeping cures my emotional pain, talking to my bestfriend gives me reason to laugh.

For now Im living with a dream that one day I will woke up and look upon the views of high buildings, flying birds above the sky and the perfect sunrise that shows new hope, on my window! and face my mirror wearing my favorite uniform in the world that I have strive to  wear!

 "A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow."

 

just me

fridays

fridays

May the ground break and swallow me down

when the day called Friday

I dont have to hate Fridays

for it is the day of my tragedies

for it is my torturing hours

and a day of where agonizing heart starts

I don’t have to hate you

For often hearing the strories of pain

The lies that paralize my vein

And make my name be stained

 Im wounded coz ur my knife

Hates me for the rest of  your life

Making me suffer all the time

Treating the sound of my cries as rhymes

Oh dear you are

No doubt, no love to trash my faith

Loves to see if im on grief

Being way with you

Sounds and feels to be safe

Laugh and happiness sudenly frost

Tears! Replaced by what is lost

May the ground breaks and swallow me down

When the day called Friday comes.

torn

 Torn

Under the rain

I felt my feeling in pain

Under the rain

Tears paralyzed this vein

Like what others doing

 I felt the art of loving

this strangers little thing

that never stops me from falling

he is always an surprising

cares even in a small thing

funny and never been boring

he is such an admiring

it was 13^th day of September

when he confess with me with bundles of flower

so I accept the love he have

the happiest moment I had

but that guy tought me how it was to cry

often tell me his story of lies

the bond we have gradually dies

the heat of love might cold and dry

ohjie!  You’ve create this scars in the heart  mine

I cried  in the day where rain falls

To wash this face that

Wishing all the pain will wash away

torn! this is now I fell

the one that get away

The one that get away

Rejection how much can you take? Goodbyes , how can you resist ? how can this traumatic experience agonize you day and night that you have to endure?

In a day where I felt exploding due to my over thinking of my requirements that torturedbrain. I felt overload so I decided to eat in the fast food chain . I found myself in heaven “ the food calling” while eating my dish called lasagna  “ohh  look whose here” I cant possibly forget this crap I saw this devastating  gawds I have to get out of here asap! Telling myself  seeing the guy in the right corner, I know  him yes ! his the one who creates scars on me  but anyways my distress is understandable  and I honestly experience  the stages of grief before I made  a perfect smile without pain ! I considered this as  “grief nako  lines “ like saying this cant be over! Maybe hell change his mind in two or three days  until days passed   I  denied and denied  telling myself “  no! who he think he is in doing such thing to me ?  Excuse me !    and be alone in my bed  quite thinking about myself “Im not that pretty not that smart  no one likes me” but at the end I realized that if  I stuck myself thinking about it then Im killing myself softly !  all I have to bear in mind is time drives and it  will make me  back like before .

Vince , the guy I’m referring before  the one that gives me a strange  feeling of belongness  . we  talk  for a long time if im on grief hes there to comfort me! He cheers and often give me  hes sense of care over a period of time our emotional bond grew ! throughout the day vince text and calls me with expression of endearment !

 But suddenly he just  appear on my front one day so strange and so cold           and  says  “ just take care always goodbye”  I felt confuse  then he just smirked at me! I thought he is just going to somewhere or anywhere away  from my sight. But its not he is not just  getting away from me , instead he is leaving !  that night I have died waiting for his text call or  chat  by that time there’s already an idea  comes on my mind that I shouldn’t fool ! and not giving  time to those who don’t even have the effort to give time on me! 

  As the days passed by , I find my strength to ask him if  what bothering him for not giving his time and  have a distance on me.  “ do I smell bad  this following days? Hello?” then he reply so cold and emotionless” I’m very sorry for treating you this!  Im sorry but I love someone and  im almost courting here!   I knew I’ve hurt you  and one of those guy you’ve hated!  I knew you can  find there someone better! As he continued. I was devastated  I felt numb with shock I become mentally and physically exhausted . I cant take it  anymore my body absorb all the pain around! 

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